STUPID PEOPLE

   So, I think that I've had enough of--for lack of a better word--bullshit. I find it hard to believe that so many people have neither the courtesy or decency to treat other people like human beings.
   There are just sometimes when it feels like I'm carrying a million pound globe on my shoulders and my mind is tired and distraught. It never ceases to amaze me that there are just some people who see this, use it and push my buttons so hard I'm ready to punch them in the face!
   I am normally a nonviolent person and you would be hard pressed to catch me in a fight--they are beneath me--but sometimes, don't ya just feel like laying it on someone who possesses the exact traits you despise? Like people who grab your basket--the last basket--at the supermarket when you turned around to lift your child to put her into the little seat. Then you stupidly tell them that it is your basket and what do they say? "Does it have your name written on it?" REALLY?!?! THAT'S  the extent of your reasoning? You see me struggling to lift a 35 pound child into a basket and you have the guts to steal it?
   Or, take a parking space...We've all had this happen.
   You waited 10 minutes for the douche bag in the space to finally drag their lazy butt out of the way and what happens? Some OTHER douche bag comes along and cuts in front of you, thus stealing the parking space you waited 10 minutes for while dealing with screaming children complaining that it's taking too long!
   Okay, so maybe I'm oversensitive. But how hard is it to remember that we are all on this earth together...one unit? And why do so many feel the need to make you look stupid?
   Not so long ago, I walked into a convenience store with a winning $5 lottery ticket and a 5 dollar bill to buy a pack of smokes. I lay the five dollars on the counter along with the ticket and tell the clerk what kind of cigarettes I want and that I want another ticket to replace the old one. That's when my cell rings. I answer it, and then tell the person I'm speaking with that I'll call back later all the while watching the clerk and what she's doing. Meanwhile, she takes the five dollar bill to pay for the cigarettes thinking that it is the same five dollars she was supposed to pay me for the ticket but didn't. I tell her that I wanted another ticket with the winnings and that I wanted to pay the cigarettes with the cash, she hands me back the five she took from the counter and tells me that it is the winning  five, and that I owe her five bucks.
   This is where it gets...tricky.
   I calmly explain that she had used MY five to pay for the cigarettes and that she never gave me the cash for the winning ticket. The line behind me is getting longer as I try to rationalize that I did indeed have a five with me that she took to pay the damn smokes and she refused to believe it. HELLO!!! Then some idiot who wasn't there when I arrived at the store starts to say that he saw her lay the bill down and I turn to him and say "Yes...MY bill!"
   Then she proceeds to say that her manager can look at the video footage to prove it and I say okay. This is when she realized that she screwed up. Why would I wait until the line had shortened to prove that she was wrong unless she was? Oh and then she does the greatest thing in the world! "Just take it. I'll get the money out of my purse."
   B.R.I.L.L.I.A.N.T.
   So not only did she call me a liar, she embarrasses me by acting like the victim and says she'd pull her OWN money out to let me go with what I went into the store to purchase.
   Here is where I start to really lose it. I tell her "No, I don't want you to do that. Just go ahead and let these people pay, and I'll wait right over there so that your manager can look at the video footage."
   She just refuses, trying to look all innocent and make me look like a giant ass in front of a group of complete strangers...just to save face.
   I left for two reasons. One, my husband and kids were in the truck. Two, I knew she was wrong and had the mind to go back into the store to prove it. (My husband talked me out of it). I came back to the truck with no money and a ticket and pack of cigarettes. That's what makes sense. That's what was supposed to happen.
   I have and will not go into that store again. But I use this long, drawn out story to prove my point. People can be mean spirited for no reason at all and instead of saying, "okay, I'll be done in a moment and we'll sort this out," she instead chooses to embarrass me so that I am red-faced and fuming.
   Will people ever change? No, probably not. But I'd like to think that one day, we'll understand that we are in this together and that in order to make the world a better place, we just have to respect one another and not cigarette bash each other.
   My rant here is done.

John Hughes

   Gone are the days of geeky guys with jock straps on their heads and borrowing a pair of girls underpants for 10 minutes.
   I was born in 1978, so I remember the eighties: E.T., Jaws III, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club...
   These movies always put a smile on my face, but none other than John Hughes films.
   Pretty in Pink is my all time favorite movie. I love how he was able to show the differences in social classes and the epic struggles between the rich and poor and how love conquers all.
   Most romances today consist of cheesy lines and totally absurd situations that don't flavor my movie pallet. In the time of Pretty in Pink I was a child and grew up watching that movie so often I memorized the lines. I know many of you did the same thing...don't judge me. : )
   But come on!!! Didn't you ever dream of a guy like Jake Ryan waiting for you across the street and kissing you over sixteen burning candles? Or the feeling justice seeing Stef (James Spader-Pretty in Pink) finally get his?
   What happened to these characters?
   I think I know...
   John Hughes is no longer here to right wrongs, expose social issues.
   Some Kind of Wonderful is one that's on the top of my list of faves. The Breakfast Club? Who can forget Judd Nelson holding onto that diamond earring and shoving his fist in the air?
   John Hughes took with him a legacy of memorable movies and an ache in our hearts for the days of the eighties.
   So rest in peace Mr. Hughes...Hope you're writing us more stories for the hereafter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8wSwdv-S2k

New book

So, I've been working on a new book aptly named Judas and have already written about 8,000 words. This book is like nothing I've ever written. Here's a peek at it...hope you enjoy.

-C.

Judas

  The song goes like this:

Sally Sue Judas prances around town

Up the street and down the street in her ugly nightgown

She raps upon the table and stares up at the clock

And deals with the devil a dollar to rest her head upon

   It is almost as haunting as a nursery rhyme—those with impatience and a story to tell.

   My name is forlorn and funny and unkind.

   My name is an anvil that reeks of old blood and is stained with memories. Most of them too old to accept as truth, but still too young to believe are lies. It is fraught with sin and stuffed with ancient betrayal.

   Daddy used to say my great-great-great grandfather earned the name when he betrayed his friends and alerted the town sheriff of their role in a train robbery for a thirty dollar reward. We don’t know if that’s where it came from but it sticks to me like rubber cement and leaves me with ten thousand questions that sing silent songs when all is dark and cold.

   Where I live is a hole in the ground; a pitch in the dirt that might eradicate the pretty, pretty pictures of the hardwood tree hills and Smoky Mountains you might find on postcards.

   Here there are no pretty pictures.

   Here there are monsters that trot around in fashionable apparel. They lurk in the schoolyards and in the locker room of the gym. They eat and drink and shit the way normal humans do, but they can’t be human because there isn’t a shred of humanity inside them.

   In this place I am not a person to them at all, but an entity that requires exorcism and a boil on their perfect existence. I am not seen with sympathy or empathy but rather with disgust and hatred for all that I am…for all they wish they could pretend didn’t exist.

   My name is Sally Sue Judas. My town is Willow Tree, North Carolina, just southeast of the Smokies. I am a senior at Willow Tree High and the monsters I speak of are the girls and boys that go to school with me.

   I am an outcast and a loner. I did not choose to be born into poverty, but I was just the same. My hair is dark and knotted. I do not smell of perfume or soap but instead of horses, chickens and hay and go to school like this with no choice as chores need to be done.

   Poverty does not afford me the luxury of new clothes or a prom dress. It does not afford me new supplies for school or the idealistic world of technology. What I have learned I read in books and my self-taught discipline is not rewarded with regard but instead with ridicule.

   In this town I am a bane on their picture perfect dream of transcendence from tragic to superior.

   I had no friends to call my own. There was no room for me in their circle. No one saw me and when they did it is just to torment me with names and comments about my smell.

   I had no one…except her.

   My friend is this:

   Once upon a time, there was a family who lived in our sleepy little town. They bore children and raised them to be good people. They had a son, John and a daughter, Shanda. Their son was grown up and went to college on the West Coast.

   Their daughter grew up in our town just like John. She was the girl with golden hair and cobalt blue eyes. She loved riding horses and hiking the mountains. She was raised a Christian and had no reason to hate her life.

   Their daughter was kind and gentle. She couldn’t see behind the veil of goodness her parents shrouded her eyes with and never saw the monsters lurking about her.

   When she actually spoke to me that day, I was sure she had made a mistake. It was an unseasonably warm October day. The leaves on the trees outside had already shifted and turned gold and orange. I thought about their transitioning and how they only became more beautiful right before their death.

   “What’s got you so intrigued?” Her voice was honey, warm and soft on my tongue. I turned to look at her with my eyes down, my teeth gnashed so she wouldn’t see me shivering.

   “The leaves,” I had said.

   “What about them?”

   “They’re dying.”

   “I guess they are,” she said and I nodded, turning back to the window. “Do you suppose they feel death coming?” she asked after a long silence.

   “No.” My voice was a whisper. “I think it’s more like metamorphosis. Like a butterfly that buries itself in a cocoon and then comes out new and beautiful again.”

   I don’t know why I jabbered on, but she didn’t stop me from talking. She listened like she liked what I had to say.

   Days go by and she continues to talk to me; starting conversations about the most insignificant things. But I listen and pretend to understand and do not show my fear about her intentions.

   I passed these people in halls every day and every day they commented on my clothing or hair; anything to make me feel less than human. I want to hate them but am afraid to. Hate only gives them power and I don’t know how to defend who I am without looking foolish. Shanda begins to walk with me and people notice, stop making comments, stop telling me how worthless I am.

   It feels good not to feel so despised.

   The day my friend doesn’t show up for school starts like this:

   On a cold March day, the skies are dark with ominous clouds and my heart squeezes just a little at the sight. I know that something is coming. I can feel it in my bones as surely as the blood that runs through my veins. It’s a chill, like right before a cold comes on and you ache in places you didn’t know you could ache.

   She met up with me every morning and I was grateful for it. With Shanda I didn’t have to be afraid of anything, including my own shadow. She made me strong with kindness and when she isn’t there to greet me, I know something is wrong.

   My coat wasn’t warm, but it sufficed. I pulled the collar closer to my neck and waited, missing my first class, watching the parking lot for her small red car.

   It never came.

   In the distance, a crow squawked and its voice tore a hole in my chest...

   My nana used to speak of the black crow and foreboding. Nana was raised by the Brule Sioux Indians on a reservation in South Dakota. She said that once the crow was all white and cousin to the buffalo that the tribe fed off of. The white crow warned the buffalo of hunters and their approach. Their cousins were able to escape and for that, the tribe went hungry.

   One day the old chief decided to capture the white crow and used a buffalo hide with head and horns, placing it onto the back of a young brave and sent him into the pasture. When hunters approached, the white crow squawked and called for their retreat. But one buffalo did not listen and when he came down to warn him again, the young brave grabbed his feet and tied him to a rock with string.

   The council held a meeting and one—flushed with hunger and anger—threw the bird into the council fire, singeing the rope and allowing the crow to go free…but not before charring its feathers black. It swore that it—and the rest of the Crow Nation—would never interfere again.

   But another legend surfaced from those blackened feathers. Nana used to say, “Sally Sue, when the black crow is near and it ought not to be, it is a telling of death fast approaching.”

   There he was, with his shiny black feathers and tiny jeweled eyes, staring at me from his perch on a hardwood with sprouting new leaves.

   I did not ask him why he was there because I already knew.

   The search began like this:

   Leaves were gathered in heaps and dusted by a light snow that made the roads too slick to drive upon.  The sirens blared through the chilly afternoon and I stood outside the school, shivering and torn apart through the inside.

   Shanda never came to school that day and never returned home that evening. The next day, the sheriff was at the school, asking questions and expecting answers no one could give.

   My hands shook when it came up to my turn.

   “Sally Sue Judas,” he said, clucking his tongue. I nodded, because I couldn’t do anything else. “I’ve heard you is friends with Shanda Malaise. Is that true?”

   I nodded again.

   “When was the last time you saw her?” He sat in a chair in front of me, leaning against his knees, his black pants tight against his thighs.

   “Day before yesterday,” I whispered.

   “What was she doing?”

   “Going home.”

   “That what she said?”

   “Yes,” I said because it was the truth.

   “No stops along the way that you know of?”

  “No, sir. Shanda is a good girl. She would never get herself in any kind of trouble. It’s not her to do anything foolish.”

   He nodded, looking at me suspiciously. I suppose with my family’s background I can’t blame him. But I never cause a fuss; never make them work for those paychecks.

   My cousins, Billy Joe and Mack have had their run-ins with the law…so has my daddy. But I avoid these suits like the plague.

   I am cursed by name and by relation. The good sheriff’s thinking is this: the apple doesn’t far fall from the tree.

   “But your tree is not full of apples, it’s full of maple syrup,” Shanda told me when I explained my situation to her.

   Most don’t want to admit it, but they are scared of my family. When Nana was alive, she used to hold ceremonies on our land. She used languages no one ever heard before. Sometimes, when the moon was at its peak, her fires would glow blue with magic. She used the fruit of the Hawthorn tree to alleviate female troubles and stomach aches. She was known to cure things like flu and once even cancer.

   The sheriff knows this; his momma used to take him down to the hollow when he was a boy. When his legs were in braces and Nana helped him walk without them.

   The room was cold, the skin on my arms rose with goose pimples. On the table, there was a can of pop and a half eaten doughnut. My stomach growled and I realized I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast the day before. Before my friend didn’t show up for school.

   “Okay, Sally Sue,” he said with a smile. “That’ll be all. But keep yourself handy, ya hear?”

   “Yes sir,” I said and walked out the door with my arms around my stomach.

Book Review--The Other Life

   I have read so many books these last couple of years it's ridiculous. But I just can't seem to put them down. They are like a powerful and addictive drug...one that feeds my craving for the worlds of fantasy and realism.
   I just finished the book THE OTHER LIFE by Ellen Meister and here is my review.



   Life is full of tough choices. But what if you could change all that? What if you could return to the road not taken? That is what Quinn Braverman faces in this emotionally charged and highly addictive book that offers you an answer to that age old question "What if?"
   The Other Life is spellbinding, captivating and easily one of the best books I've read so far this summer. Meister spins a tale of loss, love and forgiveness that touches the heart and literally feeds the soul.
   Quinn's life is a picture perfect wall she has built around herself. Very few understand the depths of her pain or the realistic way she misses her mother. And when her second pregnancy doesn't go as she hoped, she escapes into the 'what if' world where she chose another path...and her mother is still alive.
   This book takes a hard look at the family dynamics of bi-polar disorder and how its effects are like gentle webs of silk, spun out with points; chain reactions without reversal. And guides the reader into the understanding that every decision has a consequence...but not all bad decisions are the wrong ones.
   Look for it in e-book format or visit http://www.ellenmeister.com/


  

The Boy

So, I was listening to The Cure and was inspired to write this story. Hope you enjoy.

The Boy

  It all began with the boy.

   When she was a girl, Mary used to hang off the window ledge, listening for the squeaking sound of his bicycle—the chain whispering in the dying wind.

   The world looked big from where she sat; the trees blowing their leaves like a shower of fairies. Here she could imagine what it would be like to fly. Instead of a bird, she wanted to be a paper airplane with its irregular wings and stiff body. She imagined that when it fell, it never felt pain.

   The chains ran their course until she could see the boy in the distance, his dark hair blowing in the breeze. He was the only one to talk her down from the edge of the world and she listened, took his hand and ran down the dirt road to the lake at the first turn.

   His eyes are the color of mud, but it did not bother her. All she saw were the wildflowers that grew from that mud—their beauty and grace all flowing together, harmoniously.

   The boy convinced her to take off her shoes and plunge her bare feet into the cold water. Her toes grew numb until her body accepted its fate and slowly let loose the shackles of the frigid ache and met those muddy brown eyes again.

   The boy stood farther that she could reach, his soft tendrils of dark curls nestled around his smooth face. Mary never knew fear when he was near. She never knew life without his presence.

   His lips are blue from the cold, but he smiles and she moves forward without thinking, the water rippling around the ruffles of her summer dress.  There he stands, without a word; without a sound and she realizes that he has never spoken to her. But even in his silence, she felt she would recognize his voice anywhere. He spoke to her heart without words, just gesture.

   When she reached the boy, he spread out his hand and ran his fingers through her blonde hair and moved closer until his blue lips were warm against hers. How young she is to be feeling true love’s kiss! But within her, the small child sang with reverence for the boy with the muddy brown eyes and her heart soared above the cottonwood trees and into the distance…a paper airplane.

   Where her home existed was within his chest, stretching out for eternity. But she wondered while she—a mere child—lay in his arms, why no one else saw him.

   It all ended with the boy.

   In the distance thunder rumbled and dark ominous clouds blocked out the sun. In the distance, the birds began to sing frantically, but she did not hear them; the warning that with the sweet comes the sour.

   The boy pressed her against his cold body and she could hear his smile as the lightening crashed above their heads. But there was no fear, only peace.

   Below a tree on the bank of the river they rested upon, the water reached their toes and churned with ferocity.

   The town spoke of her often…of the foolish, pretty girl with golden hair. They spoke of the shame and of the poor parents who are no longer burdened with the little girl who wondered into places she was never meant to go.

   But the boy was there, arms spread wide and another seat on his bicycle just for her.

The Rio Grande

The Rio Grande

 The sun is fading fast, reflecting off the river like thousands of glittering bugs. My feet are tired, my eyes dry from the heat and my hair knotted against my scalp. I can feel the sores on my toes and the scorching afternoon sun has baked the scaly shrubs and vegetation around the rocky bank of the river until they are nothing more than twigs and dead leaves.

   Every day is the same. The fear of being caught….the fear of dying. But now I have my chance. Now I can see the murky water of the Rio Grande over the steep embankment. I can see the promise land just past it.

   Two months ago, in the middle of the night, my oldest brother was taken by armed men from our home.

   “Sarita,” he had said, “go and hide. Do not let them find you.”

   The fear in his eyes, his voice, forced me out of bed. I hid in the pantry of our kitchen. It was the hardest I ever prayed for my parents. It was the first time since their deaths that I was truly frightened. My brother Juan refused to pay them for protection and from the small window of our kitchen I could see them beat him in the backyard we used to play in as children. When one of the men pulled a machete from a leather strap on his back, the moonlight caught on the metal and planted that image in my brain like the seed of a poisonous vine that grows and grows until it wraps around its host, killing all the good memories and leaving blood stains instead.

   My brother begged them not to take his life. I could hear his voice muffled by blood and gaps where his teeth had once been. They took no pity. The man lifted the machete up to his neck and sliced into his flesh until his head lay on the ground, his body twitching in the dirt.

   I swallowed the scream and rage that flooded my throat, placed a hand over my mouth so they did not hear me cry while they looted our home, taking everything of value. Then they were gone, like ghosts in the night and I stayed in that pantry until the sun rose and fell twice, unable to move and hardly able to breathe.

   Now I am here, knowing that on the other side of that river, salvation awaits. In Mexico, I was a dentist. In America, I will be nothing. But what are we without family? If I have no one left, then do I exist at all?

   I pull up the bag hanging from my shoulders and climb down the rocky surface of the river’s edge. The water is warm. I can make it, I’ve always been a strong swimmer and it calls to me. I stare at the open plain of the river, mindful of its power and the undercurrents that await me below.

   The sun is already beginning to set and I find myself torn between fear and understanding. I can feel the Rio’s power and my mind fills with stories of my countrymen…some of who died trying to cross.

   From my bag, I pull out the letter I found in my father’s belongings. It was from a man named Pedro, my father’s brother. My parents, my grandparents never spoke of this man. After reading the letter, I realized he was what the Americans would call “the black sheep”, disowned by my family for choosing a lifestyle they did not approve of.

   I don’t care if he is American, gay or blue, I just know I have to find him. He’s my only hope of survival.

   Carefully, I slip the letter into the plastic zip bag and put it back into my bag. He would help me…I know he will.

   There is a strange silence before the wind changes and catches the branches of the mesquite trees and brush that resembles green tumbleweeds. And then the air is thick with perfume; a smell so familiar it begins to eat at my fear and pull forth my courage.

   It is the scent of my mother’s favorite perfume.

   My head swims for a moment and bit by bit I gather my senses. It is time to swallow my fear and go forward. It’s time to brave the river and learn her secrets.

   The ledge is steep but I manage to make it down and come to a small embankment about the size of my feet. My bag is strapped tightly to my shoulders. Inside are pictures of my family, all of us smiling, before the wars got so bad we couldn’t seem to find that smile again. My brother, who realized early on that we might have to flee, began exchanging our Mexico currency for the American dollar. I had enough to pay a Coyote to drive me this far and I will meet his partner once I get to the other side. He will receive no payment, this one had said, because he is a missionary and understands what is happening in our country.

   God has answered my prayers. He has kept me safe. I’ve heard stories of girls who are raped riding with Coyotes and so far, it hasn’t happened to me.

   So far.

   The water is warm on the surface and I take a deep breath, say a prayer and walk further into the Rio until I am waist deep in water. It feels cold on my feet and I am mindful of the undercurrents.

   I wade until I am almost across. When I look up at the sky it is filled with countless stars, obscured by a few silver clouds that reflect the light of the moon.

   The moon and I haven’t been friends since the day my brother was murdered.

   Suddenly, there is no ground and I feel myself falling under the water, my arms flailing, my legs beating against the currents until they burn.

   All is fading and in the darkness I hear my brother’s voice. “Sarita, keep swimming. Do not let them find you.” When I open my eyes, there is a light floating on the surface. It gets brighter and brighter until it is in front of me and I can see Juan with his hand out.

   I do not hesitate. I take it, mold mine into his and he pulls me up until my lungs burn with air. I am coughing, the river taking its place in my mouth and nose. Slowly, I manage to pull myself out of the water and rest against the rocky wall of the embankment. My eyes close, my mouth is grainy, full of dirt and water. I keep spitting to rid it of the taste of sediments.

   When I can breathe again, when it doesn’t hurt, I realize that I am on the other side, that I have made it. Now I must climb up the rocks and over the edge. My limbs are tired but my heart is racing and I find the edges of rock and dirt and my hand catches on a thorny cactus. But I keep going until I am over the edge and past the brush and trees.

   I wait well into the night, hiding behind a boulder until I see the signal light flashing three times.

   The man is short, with a long beard and a kind smile. “Are you hungry?” he asks and I recognize the word ‘hungry’. I nod my head and he hands me two sandwiches with ham and a bag of chips and a bottle of water. My stomach knots, my head swimming with possibilities.

   I am free now, without my family, but I am free. I have left behind all I know, my home, my dead mother, father and brother. I have left my mother Mexico.

   “You’re in Texas,” the man says when I ask him where I am in Spanish. I understand now. I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. My uncle is just a few miles away. I can feel invisible strings cutting the ties to everything I was, who I used to be. As we drive towards Laredo, I can see the lights of the city and I know things are going to be different, for better or worse.

Short Story: The Nature of Things

In honor of Earth Day, I decided to write a little something. Hope you enjoy. : )

The Nature of Things

  There are always things floating in the air, specks of dirt that find their way to a flat surface and settle together-like the bonds of a family. Then there are the fireflies that swarm around at night filling the night sky with alien lights, sweet and kindness all brought together from their stark green eyes.

   Technically, Lily shouldn’t be sitting here in the cool night air, pondering fireflies and dust. She should be six feet under, with the worms and bugs burrowing into her coffin and eating at her dead flesh. But here she sits, legs crossed, her long blonde hair falling softly around her shoulders and her heart beating lively in her chest.

   The backyard has always been her favorite place. Here she can be anyone she wants to be: a  princess, a bird or a part of nature that breathes life into the world.

   That day she lay still in that hospital bed, clinging to life and yet praying to die for the pain that radiated throughout her body. It was fire and ice, pin pricks and razor slices and there was no end to it. Her body was broken, every limb covered by plaster and glue. Nothing worked. Her fingers and arms broken, her leg bones snapped in two.

   As she waited for the end to come-for God to remember she was there and mercifully end her suffering-the door flung open and in walked a statuesque woman with long legs and brown, short cropped hair. Her eyes were what really struck Lily as odd. They were bright green and almost glowed in the dim light of her hospital room.

   “What do you seek, Lily?” For a moment she couldn’t answer. She just stared into those eyes and waited for something…anything that might explain the extra fire that now burned across the delicate planes of her skin.

   The woman smiled and suddenly she felt the heat rise to her head, filling her mind with possibilities.

   “I seek the truth,” she said before realizing her mouth could move. “I want to know more than this life. I want to know what is out there…past the void.”

   The woman nodded and walked towards her bed. Her skin was ivory; her dress hugged her curves and was the color of lily pads, like her nails. Not the fungal color of rot, but the kind of green that reminded her of sweet grass and spring leaves.

   “So you shall have it,” she whispered and placed a hand upon Lily’s chest.

   The fire spread evenly throughout her limbs, fingers and toes and settled deep within her chest, aching and pulsing, killing the pain of her accident and pulling her away from the room and into a light brighter than the sun. Here she felt temptation, saw the want of her life and flowed into another realm of consciousness. When she opened her eyes she was standing in a field of golden wheat, the warm sun beating down on her bare shoulders. The pain was gone and her hands worked. She could feel the rough texture of the grain, playing with the ends between her fingers. Ahead, she could make out the outline of an oak tree, tall and broad with leaves sparkling green.

   “It is here you will find your truth,” a voice whispered next to her. “It is here you will make your choice.”

   Lily turned to find the woman standing next to her, this time in a long flowing white gown, her hair long and auburn against her back, tender curls hugging the ends. Her face was peace and serenity, her smile sweet and kind.

   “Go to the tree and find your answers.”

   Without understanding or hesitation, Lily walked across the field to the large tree where she felt cool green grass beneath her toes. Under the leaves was a small man with a pale, pinched face and a childlike smile.

   “You have come,” he said, his voice weak. “I have waited for this moment my entire life.”

   There was familiarity here, a sense of knowing and enlightenment. She never felt more at home.

   “Who are you, sir?”

   He twitched, his chest rising and falling with shallow, unsteady breaths.

   “I am the light,” he said. “I am your truth. You seek knowledge and a way out of the pain. I can give it all to you...” he hesitated, his green eyes dim. “However, you must do something for me in return.”

   “Anything,” she whispered.

   She thought of her little sister, huddled next to her in the bed, breathing softly into her hair, of her mother, soft and strong and warm with arms like steel cages when needed. She thought of the warm summer sun and green grass under her feet and the shock of cold that hit her when she jumped into the lake at the edge of spring. All the things that made her who she was, all the people that gave her hope and reason.

   Yes, she would do anything to have it back, pay any price not to see them suffer for her mistakes.

   Most of all she thought of Alan and the mangled way the accident left his car…of how he managed to escape unscathed while she was left in the car to die. Just to see his face, to let him know it wasn’t his fault and she survived would be worth any price.

   But when she turned to the tiny old man, his face is grave. “What I ask does not come without a price.”

   “I don’t care. Anything,” she said, her head reeling with possibilities.

   He breathed a sigh of what she thinks is relief. “My time is done, but yours is just beginning. Fate has granted you a second chance, but you must make the choice.”

   “Name it.”

   “You must take my place.”

   Her eyes narrowed in confusion, but her pulse began to speed, unsure of what this stranger was asking. “Take your place?”

   “I am a creature of nature…since the beginning of time we have given our lives to protecting the spirit of all that surrounds you. We live this life not for ourselves, but for the spirit that allows the rebirth of the earth.” He smiled but it was weak, like a fading leaf and she started when she noticed that his face was now paler, thinner in the few minutes she had stood over him.

   “I don’t understand,” she said.

   “We live in the air, the trees and the soil. We are the keepers of the earth.”

   And for a moment, she understood…of course she did. It was the story her grandmother told her so many times before. It was the story of the nature gods; the keepers of the spirit of Mother Nature. The protectors of what fueled hopes and dreams…of what life had to offer.

   “And how do I do that?”

   His smile was weary, his voice barely a whisper. “Take my hand and bind our spirits. Choose to be more than your life…than yourself. But be warned that it comes with a great responsibility.”

   There was no answer more pure than the moment her fleshy hand settled onto his leathery, otherworldly skin. A spark, an answer to all of her burning questions shot through her brain, incinerating any untruths of what she was brought up to know.

   “What happens now?”

   “The light will build,” he said, his teeth now yellow with age, his face so thin it caressed the bones of his face. “Over time, it will continue to grow until it begins to flicker out. It is then you must pass it on to another worthy of the spirit. Here is where it begins anew and with the transfer, it will end for you and begin anew for someone else.”

   His hand was shaky, but he brought hers to his lips, chapped and rough, and kissed it gently. “Be kind to others, Lily. Be true to yourself and most of all remember to always give to the Earth the way she has given to you.”

   He was gone before she took another breath, his flesh gathered in dust on the ground. The soil came alive, feeding off the remains of his body. In his place, a plot of blueberries blossomed.

   “He will be missed,” the woman said, her eyes leaking silver tears.

   “Who was he?”

   “He was Bel,” she said serenely, “Celtic God of the sun. He was the reason the sun shone on your backs. He was the reason the crops grew plentiful. When he began to fall, so did the sun. Therefore the soil hardened and turned to dust and the crops began to fail.” She turned to Lily with understanding. “You were chosen from many years of searching. We are the keepers of nature…of fire and ice. Now it is your turn to bring forth the sun, to wake the animals from their slumber into the warmth of the light.”

   Lily gazed at the woman, who was kneeling by the plot of berries. “I can’t do those things. I’m just a girl.”

   “Not anymore, Lily. You chose to take his place. It was your choice to give him peace.”

   She felt selfish and ashamed for wanting everything he offered for her own gain. But inside there was a tiny spark of something just beginning to glow, a fire flickering to life. It would be years before that light grew too bright, she knew. But now she had the chance to right the wrongs of man and create another world where crops were plentiful and the sun glowed bright in the sky for all mankind to witness.

   “Who are you?”

   “I am Blod, Goddess of the Earth in bloom, of wisdom and lunar mysteries. I cannot do it alone. He,” she said, her hand sweeping across the wild blueberry patch, “was the other half of who I am. Bel was the reason my powers allowed the Earth to bloom every spring.” She turned to Lily. “Now it is you that will make it shine. It is you that will help me to fulfill my purpose.”

   Blod wiped the tears away with the sleeve of her gown. “Go now, Lily. Return to your human form, but remember all that you were taught here, all the knowledge you gained.”

   The wind shifted, the smell of wild flowers and berries filled the air and the tree shimmered until she was staring at the beige walls of her hospital room.

   Lily walked out of there completely healed. Her doctors couldn’t believe her progress. For weeks they thought she was on the brink of death. They called her parents and told them to prepare for the worst. They call her a medical miracle.

   Under the lights of fireflies, she smelled the edge of summer fast approaching. In the midst of night she closed her eyes and prepared for the dawn, her face quiet, her heart thudding softly in her chest.

   When the sun crested over the horizon, she smiled and set out on her journey to begin the job she had chosen. It was time to wake the animals, the ground, the fairies. It was time to begin healing and prospering. It was time to live.