Living With Fibromyalgia

   In October of 2008, I took my three children to the park after school one day. My oldest son was in kinder, my middle in preschool and my daughter had just turned 2. It was a hot South Texas fall day, one that changed everything for me.
   I remember the park, the heat of the metal slides, the merry-go-round and a tire swing my kids were dying to get on. It was a regular day, except for the pain in my lower back. At first, I thought it was just after effects from carrying my children (two of them born over 8 lbs.). But the longer it lasted, the more I became concerned it was something more.
   Fifteen minutes after we arrived at the park that sweltering fall day, I began to sweat profusely, my stomach turned and the pain in my back radiated to my thighs and slowly crept up to my arms and worked its way down to my feet until I could hardly stand anymore. I shuffled my protesting children in the truck and went home.
   I lay in bed, praying, begging God to alleviate the pain as it was quickly spreading to my fingers and toes...my spine. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. Excruciatingly raw and so vivid I could do nothing but weep.
   When my husband arrived home that day, I asked him to take me to the emergency room. There was something wrong, I knew it but couldn't really describe it. My hands and feet were purple and swollen and every muscle, tendon, bone and joint throbbed, ached with a fiery hatred.
   All I could do was weep.
   After that first trip, I saw doctor after doctor, took test after test, all of which came back normal. I was at my wits end. So was my family. This thing was killing my body, my spirit. And I continued to pray.
   Six months after that hot October day, my Rheumotologist finally gave me a name for my problem...Fibromyalgia.
   "Okay, so what can we do to fix it?" I asked.
   "I'm afraid there's nothing we can do. The pain can be controlled with medication, but it's just something you are going to have to live with the rest of your life," she said. My whole world crumbled, my heart sinking so far into my chest I thought I'd never feel its beat again.
   Three years and seven different medications later, I am still dealing with this little known disease. Over the years new problems have surfaced. There are strange lumps on my lower back, one small one very close to my spine and when I get a flare-up, I tend to swell, my hands, feet and legs turning a light shade of purple.
   There are a lot of different things that come with this disease. But the worst of it is the depression, the feeling of helplessness and the feat question that will never find an answer...Why me?
   Most days filled with what I call 'easy pain'. It has become the norm for me and I can handle it. It is not until my muscles feel tight as piano wire and my joints ache so bad I think I might scream that it becomes unbearable. And those day, like today, I just wish I could crawl into a dark hole and sob.
   One day there may be a way out of this, but until then, I am just going to have to grin and bear it.
   That's just the way it goes, I guess.
-C.

Puzzle Pieces

   I realize that as a newcomer I must delve deep into the complicated world of the publishing industry. However, I am not completely terrified by this prospect. Research is less complicated since the invention of the Internet. : )  That is not to say I don't read as many books that I can get my grubby little hands on anyway. Books on how to get an agent, how to keep an agent, how to write a query and how to polish your manuscript. They are essential tools to help a budding writer break into the market (besides a hell of a story).
   If you are looking for a book on writing, try On Writing, A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King.
   If you are looking for books on agents, try How to Land (and keep) a Literary Agent by Noah Lukeman. Mr. Lukeman also wrote a wonderful e-book titled How to Write a Great Query Letter. I suggest you look this one up. I found my copy at http://www.barnesandnoble.com/.
   If you are searching for agents, I suggest a copy of Writer's Market. You may also decide to buy a membership at http://www.writersmarket.com/. It is helpful and informative. Just make sure before you query an agent based on the info you receive on this website, you checkout their website just to be sure they are still handling your genre. Some change their minds...as is their right.
   This all feels overwhelming to a newcomer, but they are just small pieces to a puzzle on the road to becoming a published author. I am still working out my kinks, but have learned invaluable lessons about the process and am grateful for people like Mr. King and Mr. Lukeman for affording me the opportunity to better myself.
Hope this was helpful.
Happy Writing,
-C.

The Stomach Virus

   Last night my oldest came to me crying that his head was hurting. So, like any good mother I medicated him and sent him to bed with a glass of orange juice. All night long I checked his temperature which spiked at 103.7 early this morning. Every two hours I alternated between Tylenol Jr. and Ibuprofen. It was at the butt crack of dawn that the orange juice, which had sat quietly in the confines of his stomach decided to pay us visit. It was as if it said, "hey! I'm not through with this world yet! Let me out! Attica! Attica!" Needless to say my son wretched it all up, leaving small peticial hemorrhages around his face (this happens with the pressure).
   Some may not know this, but two years ago I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and every so often I get what are called "flare-ups". These are excruciating, causing widespread pain throughout my body. There isn't one part of me that doesn't hurt...this includes my hair! As luck would have it, three days ago I started with another one.
   What I find amazing is that when one of our children becomes ill, we forget about our sickness and focus on what's wrong with them. There isn't a moment when you say "I'm too sick to take care of them", even though there are times when I feel that way.
   Mother's are special people, who in most cases, leave themselves for last. They don't think about what is happening with their own bodies in that moment. They just know that their baby is sick and needs care. How amazing is that?
   Thanks to my mother who always scratched my scalp gently, tucked me in, rubbed vapo rub all over my chest when I was a child. It really DOES make a difference.

Happy Writing,
-C.
P.S: FINALLY reading the follow up to "The Forrest of Hands and Teeth" by Carrie Ryan called "The Dead-Tossed Waves". I'll let you know how it goes. : )

Review of THE REPLACEMENT by Brenna Yavanoff

   I mentioned a few days ago that I was reading Brenna Yavanoff's THE REPLACEMENT. Here is my review of this book in one quote...
   "Wickedly mesmerizing. Yavonoff's style is sinfully sleek, with characters that draw you in from page one."
   In the beginning I will admit I had my doubts. Only because I am not the biggest fan of fairy stories. But this one...oh, it doesn't give you a name, just the idea of what these creatures are. It has all the thrills, chills, mystery, gore and desire ANY good book requires. It will make you feel hollow, heroic, tempted and enchanted all at the same time. Yavonoff tells a tale of how following the 'in crowd' can lead to tragedy.
   Please, go now...run to your nearest bookstore, go online, buy and download this book. You won't be disappointed.

Happy Writing.
-C.

*On a side note, visit http://community.livejournal.com/merry_fates/ where Brenna Yavanoff, Maggie Stiefvater and Tessa Gratton publish short stories every month!

Goodbye to a Legend

   Ask anyone I know and they will tell you, "Chandra watches too many movies." And they'd be right. I am a huge movie buff. I love everything from The Godfather Trilogy to Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Every movie has it's place in Hollywood, as every actor/actress has a special place in our hearts.
   Most of us will remember Lindsey Lohan for her shinanagins, drinking, drugs...stealing. Most won't remember the characters she played in Freaky Friday or Georgia Rule. Just as most people remember Elizabeth Taylor for her friendship with Michael Jackson or her failed marriages or substance abuse.
   But there is a difference between me and other people...I remember her for her what she was, a legend, a face so lovely that graced the silverscreen and promised an award winning performance regardless of the role.
   The first movie of hers I can remember watching was A Place in the Sun (1951) with Montgomery Cliff. I remember thinking how elegant she was, how carefree her character seemed. She was so beautiful, poised and screamed of Hollywood Royalty.
   I can still remember her commercials for White Diamonds, which my mother always used to wear, until she developed an allergy to perfume. Most of all, I remember her humanitarian work and the battle she waged in the fight against AIDS. When so many were afraid, wouldn't touch the subject, she forged ahead, forcing others to take another look and do something to make a difference. She raised millions for her AIDS foundations and made a difference, made it matter.
   She died today, in Los Angeles with her family by her side.
   I pray for her family as they mourn her loss and as the world loses one more legend, I hope we come to realize it's not the bad they did, but the good. It's not the failed relationships or the substance abuse, it's the way every young girl looked up to her and how she used her talents to make the world a better place...if only for a few precious hours.

Rest in Peace Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor (February 27, 1932-March 23, 2011).

A Day In The Life...

   Today wasn't especially busy. My husband came home from working the night shift and I ended up falling asleep with him again. I find I haven't been able to sleep much lately so the extra sleep was appreciated.
   After I pick my middle son up from school, he informs me they will be selling chocolates...again. I complain, as I usually do, because I have 2 children in the same elementary and how the hell am I supposed to sell so many damn candies?!? I only know a certain amount of people...some of whom are tired of paying a dollar for caramels and chocolates not only because my children sucker them into buying more than one but because they are also diabetics.
   Anyway, I drive to the other side of town to make a payment and realize I am twenty dollars short, so I have to go to the ATM, where there is a long line, and I only 15 minutes to make my payment and make it back to the school to pick up my oldest son from the 25 Mile Club.
   Thankfully, I made it on time.
   After I pick him up, I make my way home and take a quick shower, blow dry my hair, straighten my hair, fix my daughter's hair and get her and myself dressed. We head off to cheerleading practice 45 minutes early, because if I don't, there won't be any parking.
   I wait and wait and wait...thank the Lord for my laptop.
   I continue to read The Replacement by Brenna Yavankoff to pass the time.
   When practice is over, we decide to go out to eat because it's late and I don't have time to make supper.
   There wasn't time to write today, which is a travesty, in my underrated opinion. But a travesty nonetheless.
   So, there is the rundown of my day which will start again tomorrow. : )
   Happy Writing!
   -C.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, bl-ah!

   Ramblings, easy to do, hard to understand.
   I have this idea in my head that most people use the Internet to voice their opinions on issues pertaining to their life as it is. Personally, I find most of their commentary amusing. More often than not, I feel we read these rantings because it makes us feel better about our crappy day. But, maybe it's just the injustice we see everyday that leads us to others who have the guts to rant about the injustice...(I'm just talking out my mouth here.)
   One of my books, Chasing Hannah Stein, tells the tale of a young man whose star has risen and is stuck in the unfortunate limelight of the paparazzi. I pity this boy, who has never been in a serious relationship in his life, due to the fact that he cannot trust anyone with his "fragile fame".
   Which leads me back to the rantings and ravings of severely depressing/quirky personalities we so freely read. Most people might see the latest tidbit on their favorite actor/actress and turn the other cheek. Where as others are DYING to know what makes them tick. I find it odd, how some people believe they literally KNOW these men or women and that they have some kind of connection to them. Beats the hell out of me.
   I can't say in all honesty that I don't pick up a mag here or there and read the latest gossip. (People magazine in particular. In my defense, I love the puzzler). To be honest, it was an interview with David Letterman that Kristen Stuart gave (with her hand constantly brushing through her hair and her legs shaking at every moment) that a seed was planted and then fertilized in my brain (ergo, Chasing Hannah Stein). It doesn't bother me that these people ask for privacy; they are human after all and deserve some respect. What really freaks me out is the amount of attention that some receive.
   How can any self-respecting parent allow their child to stand outside a movie theater for DAYS just so they can glimpse their favorite person of interest AND allow that child to ask "Bite Me" while they move their hair aside and slant their necks just so? I don't find this cute...I find it appalling.
   Is there a moral to this blog? No. But, are we not free to write whatever we want? Yes. So, here are my rantings for the day. : )
   Happy Writing!
   -C.

Late Night, Book Date Night

   I am sitting next to my window, my laptop open on a small table, writing about reading. As of right now, I have successfully downloaded The Replacement by Brenna Yavanoff. So far, I am liking it.
   Now to bring you up to speed on what I have been reading lately, it is a variation of genres. I am addicted to YA novels, but I do love me some Charliane Harris (The Sookie Stackhouse Series) and Michael Kuyota's book, So Cold the River, was excellent. On the YA front, I have finished two of three books by Michelle Zink, titled, The Prophecy of the Sisters and Guardian of the Gate. Wonderful books. I have read all the Twilight books and I have grown an attachment to Maggie Stiefvater's Mercy Falls Series. And, not to forget Carrie Ryan's book, The Forest of Hands and Teeth. (I have yet to read The Dead-Tossed Waves). After Yavanoff's book, I will begin After, by Amy Efaw.
   I have tackled angels in two series, Lauren Kate's Fallen series and I have read the first of two by Becca Fitzpatrick, the first one being Hush, Hush. Once I move past these two YA books, I will finish reading Alice Sebold's Almost Moon and The Good Doctor, by Elizabeth Brundage.
   I read all types of books, so if anyone has any suggestions, I'd appreciate it.

Happy writing,
-C.

P.S: Check out Melissa Marr if you are looking for books on the Fae. : )

On Writer's Block

   There always comes a point in every writer's life when they eventually hit a brick wall. Lately, I've been asked this question over and over again. How do you work through writer's block?
   Here is my take on it.
   When I get up in the morning, whichever character I am thinking of, is the one I usually write about. I  work on more than one manuscript simultaneously because it gives me the freedom to basically come and go as I please. If I stay on one manuscript too long, I end up losing my focus and (as I write next to a window with a pack of smokes and a cup of tea or cold soda next to me at all times) end up watching birds as they wrestle their way through the sometimes heavy South Texas winds.
   I am not claiming to be a master of the craft by any means, but because I write as much as I can everyday, I've found that with that comes learning experiences. You might find yourself picking up on better plot lines, figuring out that marketing is important BEFORE you begin writing your book. You might also learn that taking the time to figure out where your book will be placed on the shelf of a bookstore, should it get published, is important because you can be sure that what you are writing is worth an agent's/publisher's time and attention. I spend most of my time surfing the Internet for answers to many of my questions. Sometimes, this leads me to another idea.
   So, my way of coping with writer's block is to just, well...write. If at a certain point you feel overwhelmed with your story, then stop, take a breather and work on something totally different. It helps to "clear the clutter" and when you are ready, you will come back to your story with renewed interest and a fresh look at anything your characters are lacking. Maybe even a new idea on their persona or interests.
   There is something you have to remember, though. Every person is different. Some may use different methods to clear out the clutter and others just give up all together. Personally, I prefer using my method. I hope this has been helpful.
   Happy Writing!
   -C.

The Last Cymbal

   I have accomplished a feat...my second completed novel has my head spinning.
   Most of you who write understand the joy that comes with entertaining ideas of characters in your head and then taking the time to bring them to life on paper (computer). I thoroughly enjoyed writing and rewriting this book. The main characters are so...vivacious. They are complex, yet normal and their situations are so far from MY norm, I find myself enjoying them all the more.
   For a rundown, I'll go over the basics.
   Nashville "Nash" McKenna, drummer and founder of the internationally famous rock band, Tantra, has a heart full of sin. After years of drug and alcohol abuse (and screwing up his family royally), he sets out on a quest to find the one thing his money cannot buy him...salvation.
   As his journey to forgiveness goes on, he comes to terms with the mistakes of his past and finds peace within himself with the help of William, leader of the Yakama tribe. He sees himself for what he really is and figures out that even though others speak of forgiveness, it is up to him to decide to forgive himself. Until he does, his soul will never be at peace.
   After his soul is healed, he sets out to tell his children, Marley, Billie and Lennon and his ex-wife, Sophia of his new found freedom. But fate has other plans and when Marley (the most revered of the three) finds his body, the whole world learns of his death and his family begins to spin out of control.
   The story is not only about forgiveness, but of strength and family bonds that CAN be mended, no matter how large the hole.
   It was an emotional ride for me, pulling all the things that made them a McKenna from the furthest regions of my mind. But even though the story isn't cream and roses, the heart of it sets me free. I was fortunate enough to come across these people in my thoughts and in a single idea that flourished with the help of friends and family.
   I invite you to read the first two chapters posted on my website, http://www.chandramgarza.com/. However, keep in mind that it is still in the editing phases so there are an abundant amount of mistakes. But I think you'll get the gist of the beginning and hopefully, you'll develop a relationship with the McKenna brood as I did.

   Happy Writing.
   C.

First Dates

   Beginning early this morning, I started works on Gilly's first "real" date with Rob, the video game king of her dreams.
   Research has been fun, searching the net for the perfect dress to match her frame, shoes, make-up and even purse. To peek into her closet, you'd understand why this is such a big deal. Let's take a look, shall we?
    Left side of closet: jeans, jeans, jeans. Right side of closet: tee shirts, tee shirts, tee shirts. Are you getting the picture? Finding a dress for my tee shirt-and-jeans-clad girl, has been interesting.
   Imagine, if you will, a girl who has NEVER had a boyfriend, let alone gone out on a date. And when she meets an older guy, handsome to a fault, she now has that gushy, syrupy feeling of wanting to be a girl...of wanting to dress up and show him what she's really made of. It takes me back to first dates consisting of dinner and a movie. (I watched a lot of movies back in the day). I remember those days. I remember looking through the closet in earnest, trying to pick the perfect outfit (my closet had dresses) and making sure my hair was in place, then giving up because my bangs never stayed the way I wanted them to all of the time. And there I am, halfway decent with a voracious and idiotic grin on my face. (I had major fashion issues). Now, it is time for the date and the feel of their hand in yours, maybe a kiss or two at the end of the date.
   Since Gilly (pronounced Jilly) and Rob are already a couple, it makes the date more interesting. They've already experienced their first kiss, and boy was it something. However, I can add the moment she feels totally at peace with her new found girl power and I love the way he treats her: opening doors, placing his hand on the small of her back to lead her into a room. We forget these things when the world grows up for us. Things that make us feel young again and wish that maybe we had done things a little different. That we had gone out on more dates and experienced more first kisses.
   The other day, my friend and critique partner Jessica and I, spoke about YA novels and sex. Most of these novels (to be fair, not all) have the heroine consorting with a boy and either flirting with the idea of sex or just giving in to temptation and saying, "To hell with it." It bothers her that so many characters jump this decision so quickly. And to be fair, in my first book, they do have sex. But it takes years before they decide to do this and they are already in love. What happened to love? What's wrong with romance and wanting to feel special?
   Jessica's right. The first time they hold your hand, the first time they look into your eyes and smile with satisfaction is the sexiest part. The physical relationship can wait...for my characters at least.
   This is a LONG drawn out thought. Sorry. : )  But I am curious to know if there is anyone out there with a story about first dates. If you don't mind sharing, please e-mail me, chandragarza@yahoo.com. Who knows? It may end up in one of my books.
   Until then, happy writing.

   Chandra

Work, work, work

   Today I have completed another chapter of the rewrite for Concerning Amity. I'm really enjoying this process.
   If I am being honest, I have to say I really adore my characters. How lucky am I that these wonderful creatures managed to find their way into my head? Gilly, spunky, sharp and quick witted is like most high school girls, always seeing the worst in themselves. But what I enjoy about her is that she's comfortable with it. She may not get what others can plainly see about her (beautiful, smart, funny) but she's too comfortable in herself to care.
   On a side note, if you have read the severely unedited manuscript I have posted on my website, Gilly might come across as, well, ungrateful. But this is not the case. If my parents demanded as much from me as hers do, I don't think I'd be able to handle it. Furthermore, she is a teenager and as we all know, teenagers (and you have to admit this guys) think everything is the end of the world. We've all been there.
   On that note, I'd like to say that I enjoy reliving my youth. At that age, I had great friends, some of whom I am still friends with till this day. My only question is, how do teens today differ from us? If anyone has any input on this subject, I'd like to hear it.
   As for writing, I am lucky enough to have found a critique partner that knows her stuff. She is the coolest and I'm grateful I have found another "nerdy" mind like mine.
   Thanks, Jess. You're a life saver.
   I am also grateful for my new writing family. I enjoy our conversations on the craft, spilling out ideas through chat or phone conversations. It's a major release from stress.
Goodnight all and happy writing.
 

A Tale of Two Books

   About a year and a half ago, shortly after I published my first book The Locket, I began a story about a 16 year old girl with overwhelming responsibilities and a HUGE chip on her shoulder. The story ebbed and flowed as all stories do and soon I had a 135,000 word YA novel.
   As many of you know, this is not the norm for YA novels which run from 50-95,000 words.
   So, as of last week, I have begun revisions on Concerning Amity (Formerly Gilly McNeill) I'm really enjoying this rewrite and have noticed how long and drawn out the original manuscript was. And then I thought about it: How many writers experience this?
   I see spending time with my characters as a privilege rather than a burden. Each and every one of them has a story to tell and I am just an instrument they voice themselves through.
   The title of today's blog is "A Tale of Two Books" because I want to talk about the follow-up to Concerning Amity, appropriately titled, Concerning Love.
   As many of you may know, computers can be our best friends OR our worst enemies and as Sophia Petrillo used to say, "Picture it, Texas, 2010..."
   I am sitting in my little corner of the world, putting the finishing touches on the epilogue of my latest achievement, Concerning Love. When I am satisfied, I close the file and sigh, elated that I have finally put two files together and created one whole book.
   The next day, when I open up the file to start revisions, a box pops up on the screen: Microsoft Works cannot open this file. The file may be corrupted.
   I feel my head detaching from my body. A solid week of work is now stuck somewhere inside my old computer, screaming from its place in the great void for rescue. And I let out a string of obscenities, some my neighbors were able to hear, I'm sure.
   The moral of this story? ALWAYS backup your work on a separate drive!!!!! A lesson I learned the hard way.
   Because I still have the original file of the first half, I am not too bummed. But I have learned to keep abreast of the latest technology to avoid further tragedy.
  
http://www.chandramgarza.com/